Nation of “Rapid Fire” Eaters, Uneeda Soda Cracker!

By | May 3, 2013

Rapid-Fire-Eaters

Uneeda1

 

Dreadful Advice of the Day: Nets and Cages (1887)

By | May 2, 2013

cage“The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young women spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.”

She is the really fine woman who can not merely net the affections of a husband during the honeymoon, but who can cage and keep them throughout a long married life. Only the other day, a man told me that after forty years of married life, he loved his wife almost better than the day they were married. We are not told that Alexander the Great, after conquering the world, kept his conquest very long, but this wife kept her conquest forty years. Woman in her time has been called upon to endure a great deal of definition. She had been described as, “A good idea—spoiled!” This may be true of one who can only make nets, but it certainly is not true of a cage-maker.

Men are often as easily caught as birds, but as difficult to keep.

If the wife cannot make her home bright and happy, so that it shall be the cleanest, sweetest, cheerfulest place that her husband can find refuge in—then he is virtually homeless!

It is the duty of a wife to sweetly order her cage so that it may be clean, neat, and free from muddle. Method is the oil that makes the wheels of the domestic machine run easily. The mistress of a home who desires order, and the tranquility that comes of order, must insist on the application of method to every branch and department of the household work. She must rise and breakfast early and give her orders early. Doing much before twelve o’clock gives her a command of the day.

An American newspaper lately addressed the following wise words to young women: “Learn to keep house. If you would be a level-headed woman; if you would have right instincts and profound views, and that most subtle, graceful, and irresistible of all things, womanly charm; if you would make your pen, your music, your accomplishments tell, and would give them body, character, and life; if you would be a woman of genuine power, and queen o’er all the earth, learn to keep house thoroughly and practically. You see the world all awry, and are consumed with a desire to set it right. Must you go on a mission to the heathen? Very well, but learn to keep house first. Begin reform, where all true reform must begin, at the centre and work outwards; at the foundation and work upwards. What is the basis and centre of all earthly life? It is the family, the home; these relations dictate and control all others. There is nothing from which this distracted world is suffering so much to-day, as for want of thorough housekeeping and homemaking.

Edward John  Hardy. How to be Happy Though Married, Being a Handbook to Marriage. London: T Fisher Unwin, 1887.

 

Author:

Every Young Girl’s Ambition …

By | April 29, 2013

To Make a Perfect Pie.

Just look for the racial stereotype on the logo!pie

corn

Mars Peopled by One Vast Thinking Vegetable (1912)

By | April 28, 2013

Prof. Campbell of Lick Observatory says:

The vast intellect of Mars is occupied with the problems of gaining subsistence from the dying planet and then with investigations of the boundless universe that lies within its sight.

According to Prof. Campbell’s Astounding New Theory:

  • Ages ago, all life on Mars took the vegetable form.
  • The vegetable life, possessed of true intelligence, evolved into one whole to obtain the greatest means from the limited means of sustenance on Mars.
  • Life on Mars is now one vast intellect supported by a vegetable body having its roots in the soil.
  • Those parts of the huge being exposed to the Martian summer grow in great orange-colored forms. As the heat departs, these forms hide in the soil until summer comes again, producing the appearance of “canals.”
  • The white spot which we sometimes see on Mars is not a pile a snow, but really an “eye,” supported on a transparent column, that can raise itself miles above the surface of the planet and watch the operations of its vegetable body at any point.
  • When not engaged in watching the physical condition of its body, the great “eye” makes observations of the earth. It is able to see more and farther than all the telescopes of our earth put together.

eye

  • The “eye” of Mars

     

    The "eye" of Mars

To Thicken Hair (1871)

By | April 25, 2013

Charlotte, Queen of Great Britain, ca. 1762, who evidently used the first of these recipes to thicken her hair.

Charlotte, Queen of Great Britain, ca. 1762, who evidently used the first of these recipes to thicken her hair.

Queen Charlotte’s Recipe

Ingredients:

  • 1 Quart of white wine
  • 1 handful of rosemary flowers
  • 1/2 lb. of honey
  • 1/4 pint oil of sweet almonds

Instructions:

Mix the rosemary and honey with the wine, distil them together, then add the oil of sweet almonds and shake well. When using it, pour a little into a cup, warm it, and rub it into the roots of the hair.

Another recipe to thicken hair:

To thicken the hair and prevent it from turning grey, pour boiling water on a quantity of sage leaves, and then them remain some time in the oven, or near a stove; strain and apply to the roots of the hair daily. If any pomade be needed, an equal mixture of cocoa-nut and olive-oils with a little perfume is very efficacious.

From Beeton’s All About Everything: A Dictionary of Practical Recipes and Every-Day Information. London: Ward, Lock, and Tyler, 1871. P. 149.

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Mars Peopled by One Vast Thinking Vegetable” (1912)

Dear to the Hearts of the Women

By | April 25, 2013

oriental

“Spread it on Thick, Mother!”

By | April 24, 2013

Butter

If You’re Fat, (Don’t) Use Marmola! (1919)

By | April 23, 2013

Marmola was a “reducing” pill popular from the turn of the century until the mid-1930s, when it was officially banned. A nasty mix of desiccated animal thyroid glands, laxatives, and chemicals, Marmola interfered with cardiac function and killed many of the people who took it. Edward D. Hayes was the chief peddler of the fraudulent substance, and flooded newspapers with advertisements and even sponsored a radio show promoting it, while dodging authorities.

Marm1Victims

 

 

Darling, don’t be familiar with me! (1913)

By | April 22, 2013

Married people should never live in the same house!

This is the astounding theory of Lillian Bell Bogue, author and playwright, who has tried the old-fashioned way of wedlock and found it wanting.

“The whole married world is suffering from too much familiarity,” she announced.

“The cloak drops off when the marriage bells have rung and husband and wife see each other as they really are.

“There is no reason the wife shouldn’t be permitted to read her own letters in privacy and not have her husband asking her, even before she has half read the letter, “Who’s that from? What do they say?” etc.

She believes that a wife should never see her husband without a collar or without a shave, and that a husband should never see his wife with cold cream on her face, curl papers in her hair, or wearing an unbecoming gown.

marriage

Mother Goose Picture Stories (1906)

By | April 21, 2013

Goose

Hint!

Hint!